Good Grief.

I feel very strange posting such as this on my blog, mainly because I have never felt this type of loss.  However, I have friends and family that have and feel that this may help them...so, I had to share.  I reieved this off the family's page that I follow, The Sullenger Family.  Their story, along with others is very inspiring  to me.  I hope that if you read this, you can share it with those who might benefit from it.  http://byutv.org/watch/2151-311#ooid=F3Mnh5MTp_ECqGj7tM3ocwAhOVHDSicl

New Year's: Look Not behind Thee

As the month of January ends, I realize that I have not posted any pictures from Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years.  I reflect on the time that I have lost and wonder and worry on how I can get that time back.  While I was looking around on the LDS homepage, I saw this video.  It hit me kind of hard and made me realize that I need to look forward  and not dwell on what I didn't do in the past.  I can not go back and fix what I have not done.  All I can do is concentrate on the future....so, that is what I will try and do.  I am not making any promises of post every day or even every week.  I hope to do the best I can do, and to be proud of those accomplishments. I have so much to be grateful for.  I could really never begin to express my love and appreciation to my Father in Heaven for knowing me and knowing what I can do and handle.  He knows me even when I don't think he does.  He trust me, even when I can't seem to trust myself, or even him really.  He loves me, when I can't love myself and I can't imagine why he would.  He hears and answers all of my prayers even though I don't always see the immediate answer, I know it is there.  I love him even more for that.  I hope to learn from Lot's wife...and not look back, but only look forward to what is to come. 

Thoughts...

As I sit in the hotel room in New Mexico on my my way home to Texas, I reflect back on the week.  The miracles I saw, and how I am so grateful for the blessings.  I also took the time to read others blogs.  I have been following a blog of a family I have never met, yet they give me such strength.  It is amazing how reading the words of others can inspire us to think and reflect on our own lives.  I have attached the button on the side of my blog.  The Sullenger family story has ispired me beyond words.  Life is so precious and really a miracle.  Each day that we have is a gift from our wonderful, loving Heavenly Father.  And he is always there for us and gives us strength to handle things which we may not think we can. He puts peopls (angels on earth) in our lives to help us along our journey.  Their strength and testimony has helped my own testimony grow. My heart aches for them, and I will continue to keep them in my prayers.  
I am grateful for my wonderful family and their love and understanding  they have of my faults.  To all that might read my blog, remember the blessings we all have in our lives.  Take time to tell those that are special to you, just how much you love them. 

The next few posts....

Ok...so I started blogging about my mom in my personal journal.  I guess I never took into concideration that I might want to have my friends and family read this.  Actually, I was afraid of what I might write, so if some of the emotions are a little more open than normal, I am sorry.  I just felt I needed to share the rich blessings in my life and the amazing strength that my mom has.

Miracles do happen!!!

What blessings I have in my life. Mom was released from the hospital yesterday!!! I can not even express my love that I have for my Heavenly Father and his work. I know that it is through the power of prayer and blessings that she is still here with us. When she received her blessing on Wednesday, it basically said that if she was done fighting, Heavenly Father was ready for her....but if she wanted to continue fighting then he would help her. She decided to fight and with Heavenly Fathers strength and the great care she received, she is now in the nursing home...hopefully on the road to returning back to an assisted living home. I am so grateful. I can not even express the love I have for Heavenly Father and just how loving my family is. I could never express the appreciation that I have for my wonderful husband. He is so understanding and supportive through everything that has gone on with my family. The love he has for me is unbelievable.

Amazing progress.

I just am amazed at the strength my mom has. I just don't know how she manages to have the strength to keep on pushing through. Today they stopped all her fluids and now she is only getting her IV antibiotics. She ate two times today and sat up and was awake quite a bit. She did have a big headache and needed morphine and her tramadol today. They also did her GI scope. They didn't find anything that was causing her to vomit the blood. So, that is good. The doctor said that it might have been from her being sick and irritating the stomach and the lining of the esophagus which might have been causing the blood. She is not bleeding anymore and he is not concerned about it. Her blood pressure is good along with her oxygen sats. I am concerned about the alarm going off for PVC's. which hasn't happened at all since I have been here. They gave her a lasix today which helps reduce the water build up due to all the fluids. Her kidney's handled it well and put out a lot of urine. Right now we are watching "Challenge" and have enjoyed a nice evening. Robert will be here tomorrow evening. And, I don't know maybe she will even be moved out of ICU. She is stable and holding her own. Each day brings new things...but it seems like we can notch this up to another win on her part.

I told her that she needs to stop doing this cause I am tired!! She told me that the next time would be the last. I felt really bad after saying that, cause I don't want her to leave me...I just don't want her to go through this anymore. But as long as she is strong enough to, then that is all that matters! She is such an inspiration!

Anyway, tomorrow is another day!

Improving each day

Today mom is looking pretty good. She was awake a lot more and her vitals are stable. She still isn't eating except last night at 3 am...she said she was hungry. She wanted yogurt, but had to settle for applesauce. I actually got some sleep except for the hour or so I was up with her when I fed her the applesauce. I wish I could read her mind. She just sat and stared at the ceiling. I asked her what she was thinking and she just said she didn't know. I know she is tired and I am tired for her. I hate to see her hurt. She had some pretty bad stabbing pains in her left hip today and it was pretty scary. Aunt Patti said that was nothing like the pain she was having a week or so ago when they made the decision that she needed to go to the ER. That choice was made because she wasn't even allowing the caregivers to change her. She ended up having to go to a nursing facility, yet we were fortunate enough to have her out in Gig Harbor. My Aunt says she is so thankful for that, because with her being as sick as she was on Tues...if she was in Yelm, she probably would have not made it. Anyway they gave her some morphin and she stayed awake for a little bit, then fell asleep. Aunt Patti , Uncle Kim and I went and got something to eat. When we cam back she was still sleeping. They put on the compression things on her legs to help keep the circulation so she doesn't get blood clots. She woke up and said she wanted a milkshake. Amber brought her one. She got some morphin a little after that because she said her head was hurting pretty bad. So, she fell asleep again. Her blood pressure dropped again to 89/62...but right now it is normal for her, 115/ 70. She seems to be improving each day. Which is good, yet I am still concerned. I have many mixed emotions and just want her to be happy again. I guess we just have to take it one day at a time....who knows what tomorrow will bring. Now...for me to catch some sleep.